If you’re considering senior living, chances are you’re not making the decision alone. Research shows that approximately 80 percent of adult children actively participate in the senior living decision-making process.
This is a pivotal life transition—one that involves complex considerations around health, finances, location, and lifestyle. The questions multiply quickly: Where should we look? When is the right time? How do we afford it? What features matter most?
These discussions can easily become contentious, especially when multiple family members weigh in with different perspectives and priorities. The good news? With the right approach, family involvement can strengthen rather than complicate the decision.
Here are 5 strategies to make the process more collaborative and productive:
1. Embrace the difficult conversations.
Senior living decisions stir up powerful emotions. Underneath the practical discussions about square footage and monthly fees often lies an undercurrent of grief in acknowledgment that life is changing, even when the move represents a positive step toward independence and security.
Don’t shy away from these feelings. Strong emotions usually signal deep investment and genuine care. The key is creating space for everyone to express what they’re experiencing, recognizing that each family member may process this transition differently.
2. Create an environment where everyone can speak freely.
While you probably don’t need formal meeting rules, ensure each person has the opportunity to share their thoughts and concerns without interruption.
You might discover surprising perspectives. Your daughter may prioritize proximity over cost. Your spouse might care more about cultural activities than amenities. One sibling may focus on medical services while another emphasizes social opportunities.
Allow adequate time for these conversations. When disagreements arise, and they will, address them with compassion, patience, and respect for differing viewpoints.
3. Document shared goals and individual priorities.
After initial discussions, translate the conversation into a concrete document everyone can reference. This becomes especially valuable when family members can’t always meet simultaneously or live in different locations.
Create two columns: one for the priorities of adult children, another for the preferences of the senior(s) making the move. Include everything from “access to continuing care services” to “space for overnight guests” or “pet-friendly policies.”
Consider developing a checklist format that includes these key features:
- Healthcare services and wellness programs
- Dining options and meal flexibility
- Transportation and parking
- Social activities and cultural programming
- Security features
- Apartment layouts and sizes
- Outdoor spaces and common areas
- Proximity to family
Bring this document with you during community visits. It helps everyone stay focused on what truly matters rather than getting distracted by less important details.
4. Prioritize experiencing over debating.
Endless conversations about differences of opinion rarely lead to resolution—they often deepen disagreements. At a certain point, discussion needs to give way to discovery.
Schedule in-person visits to senior living communities. Websites and brochures can only convey so much. The atmosphere, the warmth of the staff, the energy of current residents, the quality of light in the apartments—these elements only reveal themselves in person.
Visiting together allows everyone to step away from abstract debates about logistics and costs. Instead, you can imagine real possibilities: What would daily life look like here? Can you picture yourself in this dining room? Does this community feel welcoming?
These shared experiences often build consensus more effectively than any amount of talking.
5. Remember who is making the move.
Whatever your family dynamic, keep your own priorities at the center of this decision. This is your home, your daily life, and your community.
Adult children naturally want what’s best for their parents, but “best” shouldn’t be defined by what makes them feel less worried or more convenient for their schedules. The goal isn’t to make everyone happy—it’s to find the place that truly fits your needs, preferences, and vision for this next chapter.
Listen to input. Consider different perspectives. Appreciate the care behind every opinion. Then make the choice that feels right for you.
Take the Next Step Together
We welcome you and your family of all sizes to come see Marquette and experience our community firsthand. Schedule your visit today to see how the right environment can exceed everyone’s expectations.
